Hollaback Girl
by THE Mrs Kyo Sohma
Summary: Tohru's version of Hollaback Girl. Kyo found a paper in her room and was left very shocked when he finished reading it. Like it or not, whatever. I'm just writing. ONESHOT. M for stupid stuff


This is Tohru's version of Hollaback Girl. It's kinda like Kyo's Pump It and Yuki's Beep, but this one is different. Kinda perverted, I think.

Disclaimer: I don't own Furuba nor Gwen Stefani and her song 'Hollaback Girl'. I'm just writing.

**Hollaback Girl**

Tohru slowly drifted off to sleep. The pen she was holding fell from her hands, and then wind that came from her opened window blew on the paper she was writing on, and it flew a few feet away from the sleeping girl.

Tohru yawned. "Good morning," she said to herself, and then got up to take her bath and brush her teeth. After that she started her usual Saturday morning routine.

"And as usual, the boys haven't woke up yet," she mumbled, and walked to the kitchen. She opened the fridge and froze. The cold wind from the inside of the fridge blew at her face, but she didn't even blink.

After a few minutes, she freaked out. "Oh, no!" she shrieked and started flapping her arms. "We're out of milk! How… How come I didn't realize this last night? I must go to a shop right now!"

She ran around the kitchen looking for a pen and paper, and then wrote down 'Be back in 5 minutes. Going to the nearby shop to buy milk.' And then she dashed out of the kitchen and was out of the house.

Kyo yawned, walking down the stairs He saw that Tohru wasn't in the kitchen. "Huh? But she's always here at this time already," he thought. "Tohru!" Kyo called out to her, but no response came.

He peeked into Shigure's bedroom, and only saw a sprawled out man there. "No Tohru here."

He walked to the bathroom and listened to any sound before knocking. "Tohru?" No response. "What the hell? Where is she at this time, anyway?"

He walked to her bedroom and found the door opened. He knocked and peeked in. "Tohru?"

Her room was very neat. Her bed was made, her desk clean, and there were no garbage around, except for a paper that was lying in the middle of the floor.

"What's this?" Kyo walked in and picked up the paper. Coloured ink pen filled the page.

'_My' Lyrics_

The title caught Kyo's eye, and he sat on Tohru's bed and read the whole thing.

_Shigure introduced me to this song that I'm about to write. The lyrics will be changed according to my liking, though. He switched the TV on one day and asked me to listen this song with him. Since that day on, I'm addicted to it. Guess I'll do what Kyo and Yuki did a couple of months ago, but without dancing. You can get caught easily if you do that, but when you write, they won't know._

_And Shigure also introduced me to a few new words that I don't know the meaning to. I'll be using them in re-writing this lyric. And he also helped me in writing most of the re-written words here, and I'm trying to understand them…_

_Uh huh, this is my dick  
All the girls bite your teeth in like this _

A few times I've been around that length  
So he's not just gonna come like that  
Because I ain't no hollaback girl  
I ain't no hollaback girl x2

Ooooh ooh, this my dick, this my dick x4

I heard that you were talking fuck  
And you didn't think that I would hear it  
People hear you talking like that, giving everybody a hard on  
So I'm ready to move around, gonna lead the pack  
Gonna get a xsomes, gonna make you come  
That's right, put your gay porn downs, giving everybody a hard on

A few times I've been around that length  
So he's not just gonna come like that  
Because I ain't no hollaback girl  
I ain't no hollaback girl x2

Ooooh ooh, this my dick, this my dick x4

So that's right dude, meet me at the strip club  
No principals, no student-teachers  
Both of us want to be the fucker, but there can only be one  
So I'm gonna moan, gonna give it my all  
Gonna make you fuck, gonna suck it on you  
That's right I'm the last one doing it, another one bites the dick

A few times I've been around that length  
So he's not just gonna come like that  
Because I ain't no hollaback girl  
I ain't no hollaback girl x2

Ooooh ooh, this my dick, this my dick x4

Let me hear you say these toys are dildos  
D-I-L-D-O-S  
(These toys are dildos)  
(D-I-L-D-O-S)

Again  
These toys are dildos  
D-I-L-D-O-S  
(These toys are dildos)  
(D-I-L-D-O-S)

A few times I've been around that length  
So he's not just gonna come like that  
Because I ain't no hollaback girl  
I ain't no hollaback girl x2

Ooooh ooh, this my dick, this my dick x4

_Yay! Finished! Shigure actually had to sneak into my room nearly every night to help me with this lyric. The new words are hollaback, dick, fuck, hard on, xsomes, porn, dildos. Those are the ones in this lyric._

_But he also told me of a few stuff… like… Oh! The list goes on and on. I asked him what a dildo was, and how come it's a toy._

"_Oh? You don't know, my dear? It's a… toy that… babies use to… suck in their mouth," came his reply. And then I asked if it's healthy or not, and he said it's very healthy. So, I'm gonna buy one for my baby! When I have one that is… Shigure is such a great man… Knowledgeable._

_I'm falling sleepy now. I think I'll go to sleep…_

Kyo was _very_ shocked and _very_ disturbed by the time he finished reading. His jaw was lying on the ground, his eyes were _wide_.

He didn't hear Tohru calling him from the stairs, he didn't saw her at the door, he didn't heard the sharp gasp coming from her, and he didn't realized that Tohru had snatched the paper away from him.

He sat there on the bed, jaw still dropping, eyes still wide, staring at nothing in his hands.

After a few minutes, he regained his composure. He looked up and saw Tohru, the paper crushed in between her hands and chest. Kyo stared at her, not believing a single thing he just read, and Tohru tried to break eye contact with him, but couldn't look away.

"What the FUCK was that?" Kyo shouted, jumping from the bed. Tohru whimpered and backed away from him.

She had such an innocent face at that time, but what's under that mask is nothing that you could imagine for such an innocent girl.

"Oh my GOD!" Kyo yelled again, hitting his head on the wall. He couldn't do anything right now except trying to get everything out of his mind.

"Will you be quiet, you stupid cat!" Yuki appeared at the door, his hair messy. He has just been woken up by the stupid neko, and today doesn't seem like his day. "And what are you doing to Honda? Don't yell at her!"

Kyo was mad now. "Oh, you don't know the reason why I'm yelling at her!"

"I don't _want_ to know, anyway."

"Well, you should!" Kyo suddenly grabbed at the paper that Tohru was clutching ever so tightly, and shoved it to Yuki's face.

"Hey! What is wrong with you, baka… neko…" A word on the paper caught his eyes, and his jaw dropped to the ground. "Dildo?" he shouted, and sidestepped quickly when Tohru was about to grab the paper from him.

They ran all over the house as Yuki read the 'lyrics' and Tohru chased him. He finished it not long later, and he and Kyo stomped into Shigure's room.

"What the _fuck_ is wrong with you and turning innocent girls' brain into mush, huh!" Kyo spitted at his face. He and Yuki was grabbing a handful of Shigure's kimono in their hands, and he was pinned to the wall two feet from the ground.

"You know there are two _men_ in this house that is protecting her from your senseless talking, and you can still talk to her like that, like we can't kill you or anything," Yuki hissed at him.

Shigure was wide awake now, trying to entangle Kyo and Yuki's deathly grip on his favourite kimono. "I… I don't know what you boys are saying, so please let go of me," he said as innocently as he could.

Kyo pushed him harder on the wall. "You _know_ what we're saying, you stupid asshole!"

"Can't you teach her good, useful things instead of stupid, perverted ones?"

"But I'm telling her what she doesn't know, so that means I'm also teaching her!"

When Kyo and Yuki left Shigure's room, they had to walk over a broken door and a body that was writhing from time to time.

"You are _not_ to listen to Shigure talk about such things anymore, you understand?" Yuki scolded Tohru in the kitchen, and she slowly nodded, still clueless as to why they were so mad. Kyo went to the stove and burned the paper to ashes.

They ate breakfast after that, like any other day, except for the body that was lying on the second floor. That isn't everyday.

THE END

-

Did that suck?

Hm… I just wanted to do something stupid for Tohru…

And I wrote down too many of fuck and whatever. Too many. But I hope you like it.


End file.
